So my wife, Kaitlyn, and I made it public today that we will be having a baby! The due date is on January 31st. We are super excited, and in my personal journal I wrote this over the past week. Thought I might share with you all the thoughts wrestling in my brain.
Am I ready for the task of fatherhood? Am I ready to image God as the gracious and loving Father? In a day and age where Godly fathers are hard to find, will I be faithful?
The thought of being responsible for another person is intimidating. I hope to be the perfect Dad, but I know my sinful flesh will keep that from happening. I will fail. I will sin. I will fall short from perfect fatherhood. As a result, my goal is not to be a perfect Father, but a radically Gospel-centered dad. A dad who constantly confesses his own failure. A dad who repents daily and finds his restoration at the cross. A dad drenched in the grace of God.
I know my task as a Father is to be a man who stands with his arm stretched pointing to the cross. No matter how hard I try to be everything my children need, at the end of the day, they do not need me to be a perfect dad, they need perfect Jesus. My role as father will only be to show them the radical love of God the Father who did not spare his own son but gave him up for us all. I will do my best to love my children, to protect them, to provide for them, and to disciple them. But, no matter what my future failures, if I can just point them to Jesus I will hear the words from God, "Well done my good and faithful servant."
So I am praying for that little soul growing rapidly in my wife's womb, my own flesh and blood. All the while being painfully aware that my job as Dad is to father this child and one day release them to be obedient to their true father, the most glorious and perfect God. I pray already that one day the spirit moves powerfully in my child and that by God's precious grace he would open his or her eyes to see the wickedness of their own sin and the beauty of God's gracious, sin-atoning work at the cross.
Precious son or daughter, I'm praying that you will one day walk hand in hand with your heavenly father, and that he shows you his glory and that He uses you powerfully for the sake of the Gospel.